Financial heavyweight and home insurance giant EggPlant Insurance made a bold move yesterday in a push to break into the already overcrowded car insurance market.
A spokesman for the insurance giant explained. “We were desperate to break into the already overcrowded Car Insurance market, but our knowledge of offering other financial services such as home insurance and personal loans had shown us it wouldn’t be easy.”
“We realised that if we were to be successful with our new car insurance offering we would need an unique selling point. We had considered lower premiums, a higher rate of no claims discount and even wavering the excess but other car insurance companies had been there and done it before.”
“That’s when we realised we needed to target a popular niche in order to get our new Car Insurance Policy noticed and on the map. Our marketing team told us that Dogging is the forth most popular pastime in the UK just behind queuing, complaining about the weather and watching TV on a flat screen television set so large for the small room in which it is cited you end up with a glow like the Ready Brek kid from those advertisements in the 1970’s that no-one reading this article will remember”.
He further added “We really do think we’re onto a winner, with our new insurance policy you can not only cover your car on a third party fire and theft or fully comprehensive basis, but also add in extra cover to protect you against addition costs relating to:
- Heavily stained upholstery
- Tricky to remove footprints on the inside of your windscreen
- Replacement brake lights when yours rapidly wear out
- Removal of “residue” from paintwork
- Up to 20 hour long sessions with a psychiatrist to help you unsee that which cannot be unseen.
- Up to 50 hour long sessions at a private STD clinic
- A week long session with an internet expert who will endeavor to remove the pictures of you that have mysteriously appeared on the internet before your friends or work colleagues see them.
This new EggPlant Insurance Car Policy, joins a suite of other EggPlant financial products including:
Home Insurance – For Swingers &
PayDay Loans – For procuring “working ladies”.
EggPlant Insurance are not regulated by the financial services authority. Speak to our advisors about our unofficial discount for “favours” scheme.
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